Are You in the Wrong Relationship?
It’s a big question: Am I with the wrong person? If you question whether your relationship is the right one for you, here are some things to think about:
- How does my relationship affect other areas of my life?
- Am I upset a lot?
- Do I feel like myself?
- Do I feel there’s something wrong with me that I need to fix quickly?
- Am I feeling down or hopeless most of the time?
- How am I interacting with my partner most of the time?
Everyone is human. We all make mistakes, get grumpy, and have a bad day. If this is the case, then you can most likely fix the problems in your relationship.
If it’s more along the lines of needing to change who you are, however, or that you and your partner are actually hurting each other, you may need outside help.
In a relationship, four of the most toxic behaviors are:
- Criticism: attacking or blaming
- Defensiveness: won’t listen
- Contempt: not showing respect
- Stonewalling: throwing a wall up between you and your partner
Too much of any of these behaviors, from either partner, can have both of you running for the nearest exit. If, on the other hand, you were to follow what Dr. Daniel Siegel author of Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation calls the “COAL” Attitude: Curious, Open, Accepting, and Loving, you might find solutions you hadn’t seen before. Taking the COAL point of view, and accepting the fact that everyone–including yourself–is human, you can ask yourself these two questions:
- Do I display any of the four toxic behaviors toward my partner?
- Do I feel bad or sorry after I behave this way?
Examining yourself, your partner, and your relationship with a COAL attitude will help you answer these questions honestly, and is a first step to reducing toxic behaviors. If you find that leaving your relationship is best for you, or for both of you, a curious, open, accepting, and loving attitude will be a helpful and healthy tool to take with you.
Read the full article here How To Tell If You’re In The Wrong Relationship Lisa Firestone
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