When your loving relationship deteriorates, as partners, you may experience a significant amount of pain and regret. You may blame each other for the rupture, contemplate a split, or resolutely dig in your heels and fight to keep love alive. Whatever the response, the relationship must be examined closely and the question must be asked: What truly ails your marriage?

Misunderstanding?

“… problems dissolve when it is understood– however long it takes to make the other person understand– just how strongly that person feels about certain matters.”

Sometimes the hurtful things said without thinking, the insensitive actions by one or both partners, or the oblivious neglect of one partner toward another may arise out of misunderstanding or miscommunication. A lack of listening and dialogue may be all that lie between loving resolution and angry resentment. Fortunately, with the help of an insightful and objective counselor, this relationship problem can be solved. Sharing feelings and remembering the key connections between you may help remind you that the conflicts that exist are not foundational and allow rifts to be mended.

Negligence?

“One spouse is not made weaker by considering what the other needs or wants.”

The gifts of time and attention should never be withheld from your spouse. While it is wonderful to love and be “in love” with your partner, it is crucial that goodwill be continually poured into your interactions with each other. Goodwill is kindness and consideration. It builds trust and makes clear the depth of feeling you have for one another. A resurgence of goodwill can help a rocky relationship stabilize.

Selfishness?

“When a couple has opposing interests, the problems they develop are likely to prove intractable.”

When your relationship can find no common ground and your partnership is marked by vested interests elsewhere, it is unlikely that the relationship will survive. Domination, lack of accountability, and unfaithfulness signal a self-concern that cannot be tolerated by a spouse for long. A partner who consistently puts him or herself first is demonstrating that their primary interest is not the relationship.

Read the full article by Dr.Fredric Neuman

Author of The Stuff Yourself Diet here:  Can a Failing Relationship be Saved