If you ask people what they enjoy the most about being single, the answer will almost always include the word “freedom.” If you ask them what they value least about being single, they’ll usually say something to the effect that they miss the connection and intimacy they once had in a previous relationship.
This seems to present us with an either/or situation, in which we either have to sacrifice our authentic will and desires in a relationship, or we have to give up the prospect of having an intimate connection with another human being. The truth of the matter is, however, that we don’t have to give up either.
We can be in a relationship in which we’re able to maintain our independence and personal freedom. While it’s true that not all relationships are balanced enough to allow for both, we need to understand that it’s a very achievable goal. It entails understanding both the idea of freedom, and the idea of commitment.
Many people can fall under the illusion that commitment entails giving up our own desires. Likewise, some in a relationship feel a need to be controlling in order to protect their own beliefs about the world and how people should behave. It’s these types of insecurities which prevent a relationship from ever achieving a more integrated level.
Both partners have to be secure in their own beliefs and views in order to allow the other partner to fully be themselves. Perhaps more importantly, both partners need to feel grounded and secure in their own emotional lives. This allows people to free themselves from needing love and attention. If we are a slave to needing emotional validation, we will be more likely to manipulate our partner into acting certain ways.
Having a more centered and empowered emotional life allows us to accept our partner for who they are, as well as support them in what they want to become. If both partners can validate their own as well as their partner’s process, there are no limits to the amount of love and freedom that can manifest within a committed relationship.
Read the full article here: You Can Have It Both Ways
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