For as long as I can remember, I’ve been over-responsible. I’ve felt that I have to be strong and so avoid showing ‘weakness’ by asking for help, expressing needs or sharing my feelings. I’ve hung back and dimmed my light so that my brother and then others could shine and they wouldn’t feel the need to reject or abandon me for taking up too much space or making them feel inferior in some way.
Posts Categorized: Latest Relationship Research
As some of you know, I am the author of three books on infidelity: Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?, Blindsided By His Betrayal, and After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy With Your Wife. I was recently quoted in the Huffington Post as an expert on affairs in marriage. The… Read more »
Dr. theorizes that everyone expresses love differently and in different ways in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts . One partner may be better with talking about their love, while the other partner isn’t a talker. However, that doesn’t mean that they don’t express their feelings in other ways, such as doing something thoughtful (like bringing home flowers). The point is to express those feelings! Not doing so creates an imbalance in the relationship.
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. writes in Psych Central how there is never a need to have an argument with your partner. Instead, couples can use ten strategies that she refers to as “Friendly Fighting” that can help couples resolve a conflict without it going downhill. When Hartwell-Walker says that couples never have to fight, she… Read more »
Sometimes, a “good” argument can actually be helpful to bring an issue to the surface and get it out in the open as well. Gottman refers to Michele Weiner Davis, who says that people may avoid a conflict because they have learned from their past that arguing led to the end of previous relationships. Certainly, cyclical arguments that never get resolved can only damage a relationship.