What kind of dirty thoughts do you have about your partner: The kind that leads to wrestling in bed? Or the type that slings mud, pollutes your relationship, and actually makes you want to fight dirty instead?

Take a step back. Take a look at the situation, and get some perspective on the thoughts that are coming between you.

• When was the last time you and your partner were intimate? Your dirty thinking is probably compromising your sex life. When you can’t get along, sex is no longer a priority. The only thing you can focus on is how hard it is to be together.

• What do your conflicts look and feel like? Attempts to be seen, heard, and understood may be increasingly frustrating. Arguing and passive-aggression may be regular cycles. The physical impact of such stressful interactions can start to weigh on you both.

• How are you personally managing the conflict? Is avoidance your preferred course of action? Some partners actually dread dealing with their partner. They would rather be somewhere else, managing the disconnection on their own. Feelings of gloom and lack of progress are often overwhelming.

• Is blame a major part of your relationship? A large part of your disconnection is the continual focus on the negative. Constantly assigning negative motives to each other wears on a couple. Pointing out shortcomings, rather than assuming responsibility, makes loving connection very difficult.

• Are you constantly adding insult to injury? Being part of a couple is an exercise in vulnerability. When partners take opportunities to exacerbate hurt or highlight tender places, it triggers more pain and defense mechanisms. This often leads to inappropriate and unkind interactions.

• Is all just too much? When constant discord becomes the norm, couples often lose hope or feel confined by the relationship. They may feel like exiting the partnership is the only way to feel better again.

To nix dirty thinking, stop the ongoing inner dialogue about your partner’s faults.

Refocus your thoughts. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship. Invite new relationship possibilities. Rediscover your partner with a clean mind.

Read the full article here: Do You Have Dirty Thoughts About Your Partner?