Feb 13th had been declared “Break-Up With Your Ex Day”
“Back in the day, breakups were easier: you took an ex’s picture off the mantel, packed his stuff in a box, burned his letters, and tried to move on. Today, however, Facebook updates, Tweets, and Foursquare check-ins provide a constant stream of information about people, making a clean break almost impossible.
In fact, in our recent breakup survey that over 1,000 of you participated in (thanks!!) 71 percent of respondents said they think about their ex too much and 48 percent (including 42 percent of married people!) said they look at their ex’s Facebook or other social networking profile too often. Clearly this is a widespread problem.
Our mission at YourTango is to help you live your best love life, but you can’t do that when you’re tethered to the past. Keeping in touch with, or even just keeping tabs on an ex can make it harder to embrace the present, whether you’re healing from the breakup, looking for new love, or embracing a new relationship. That’s why we’ve declared February 13 as the first annual “Break Up With Your Ex” day. Valentine’s Day falls on February 14, and we want you to be completely free of your ex on that symbolic day of love.”
With that in mind, between now and February 13 we encourage you to unfriend your former boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses and partners on Facebook. You can also take these additional steps:
- Unfollow your ex on Twitter, Foursquare and any other social networking sites;
- Untag and/or delete photos of yourself and that person online, on your computer and phone;
- Delete songs and playlists that remind you of the person;
- Block or erase the person on Google chat, AIM and other instant messaging services;
- Delete their numbers from your phone and their email addresses from your address book;
- Enlist the support of friends and community to detach and stay detached from your ex;
- Get back into the dating scene to complete the moving-on process.”
This is usually the first piece of advice I give my clients who are stuck and can’t get over their ex. No contact, no facebook stalking. You know who you are out there!
Why? It is simple. You are fooling yourself thinking that you are friends. You aren’t. They are moving on and you are just hoping it is a bad dream and that they will come to their senses.
Men: Women will still want to talk to you and cry on your shoulders-this doesn’t mean that she is “in love” with you. It means she wants you as another girlfriend that she can process with. You’ll stick in there, eventually make a move, and she will act “surprised” because you are” just friends”. She is getting the relationship she wants with you (a good friend), and you can’t be free to find someone else (read: lover).
Women: Your ex might call you to “hook-up” this doesn’t mean he is “in love” with you. It means he is lonely and you are someone he knows he can call. Don’t be surprised if after you hook-up he doesn’t talk to you for days or weeks. He doesn’t want to “lead you on” or think that you are getting back together.
Harsh? I call it direct. When you are in this place of pain, you need someone who sees clearly. Hopefully, this is where I come in. Why, because not only do I counsel the heart-broken I also counsel the “confused” ones who just broke-up with you. This gives me a unique perspective that may help you make sense of what the heck is going on with your ex. No, I don’t have a crystal ball, but I have almost a decade of experience dealing with these issues.
- Learn Action Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Your Marriage
- Stop the Fighting
- Reconnect With Your Spouse