On the surface, honesty may seem a rather boring trait to bring into the bedroom. After all, isn’t pillow talk supposed to be wild and enchanting? As it turns out, true intimacy demands more than just the rather cliché phrases and words we may normally associate with an exotic tryst. To find the deepest and most engaging levels of intimate connection, we need to drop the act and find a new level of honesty with both ourselves and our partners.
Take the case of Eva, for example. Being raised a pleaser, she learned to always avoid conflict and confrontation. This prevented her from ever being honest with herself or expressing her truth to other people. During her first marriage, this meant never telling her husband how the sexual intimacy really felt for her. She was too concerned with upsetting him, so she always pretended that she was having an orgasm. Unfortunately, this seemingly slight level of dishonesty ultimately corroded the trust in her relationship.
When she remarried she fell back into the same pattern. This time, however, she realized what was happening so she decided to finally be honest. Surprisingly, her husband was very supportive. In fact, they decided to attend sexuality workshops together. After learning new skills and information, Eva was finally able to have an orgasm during intercourse. It turns out that the real problem wasn’t whether she was having orgasms or not, it was the fact that she had been unable to express her truth in the context of her relationship. When it comes to lovemaking, nothing cools the flames of passion quicker than withholding the truth from our partners.
We are often fearful of revealing our true feelings to our partners, especially on a subject as sensitive as sexual intimacy. However, the bigger risk is in withholding our feelings. If we do, we risk losing the trust and intimacy which are the building blocks of not only our sexual connection with our partner, but for the entire edifice of our loving relationship as well.
Read the full article here: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac
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