Carefully examine the way you communicate and resolve conflicts by taking a hard look at how venting, or indiscriminately expressing negative feelings, impacts your relationship.
- Remember, no one likes a bully…
It may seem helpful, courageous, or even supremely honest to bluntly express your anger to your significant other. The trouble is, no one, not a child, and definitely not your equal partner, can tolerate being verbally punished or pushed around by someone claiming to love them for long. Bullies often believe they are straight shooters, simply standing up for themselves, when actually all they are doing is cloaking their vulnerability and insecurity in a storm cloud of anger that rains disapproval on their partner, thoroughly dousing the love that burned between them.
- Does your partner flop or fight? Neither works well
Your partner may endure the barrage of your “cathartic” emotional venting in a couple of ways. If your partner chooses “hide and survive” as their response to your tirades, then you may actually believe that your tactics are working. Don’t be fooled, the fact that he or she is quietly waiting out your verbal storm while you judge and criticize, does not meant you are being effective. It only means that your partner may be too intimidated, tired, or worse, too apathetic to fight back.
That is not to say that reciprocated confrontation is the better response. If your partner chooses to mirror your hostility, aggression, or verbal purging, very little will be accomplished except escalating rage and resentment. Nothing in the way of kindness, understanding, or resolution will be gained; the trust between you will erode, as will the foundation of your relationship.
What should you do instead to resolve the conflicts between you? Acknowledge your anger rather than indulging it. Accusations are unproductive, only stirring defensiveness. Vulnerability and open-heartedness calm and disarm, use them to restore mutual satisfaction in your union.
Read the full article here: To-vent-or-not-to-vent/BuildingRelationshipSkills
