Gay dating expert and co-founder of OneGoodLove.com, Nicholas Martin, wrote about his recent observations of young people in the LGBT community:

Everybody wants to find “the one,” says Marlin. College-aged and recently graduated LGBT folks seem inordinately concerned with the love search. The dream seems to consist of a degree, a good job, and an “amazing” partner. The whole package is the new “white picket fence.” And after graduation, white-picket-fence fanaticism really takes off.

Could it be that the increased obsession is attributed to too narrow a social definition of success? It seems that people are just looking forward to the next big lifetime milestone—marriage—after graduation.

After all, weddings and graduations are a lot alike. Both are heavy on the pomp and circumstance. Both are major life transitions. According to Marlin, both ceremonies seem to mark an “upward and linear trajectory.”

Marlin notes though, that a more cynical view may be a healthier course. Sometimes you don’t get a good job and move up the occupational ladder after graduation. Sometimes you don’t live happily ever after following the wedding.

Perhaps it’s better to see the process of finding love as a process, a learning experience, like college itself, instead of a milestone to reach. It can be about more than the end result, he adds.

Marlin further asks, “What is the point of the process? Is it to reach the end or to enjoy getting there?” Why not shift the focus? Make dating less about finding “the one.” Then, true love might be more real and possible.

“Make it less about getting the ring and more about discovering what it is that makes you want to give someone a ring.” Then each relationship is a way to zero in on your ideal, and figuring out how another person adds to it.

In the end, you will become more mature, more grounded in yourself, and less reliant on social expectations of success and happiness.

Read the full article here: LGBT Dating and the Journey to the Ring