Whoever said that marriage was a fifty-fifty proposition got it all wrong. Marriage is not a contract or a business deal. To conduct it as such, will lead to a lot of hurt feelings and possibly a breakup. Relationships require us to live beyond the commercial sensibilities that most of us have developed. They are not well suited to a “tit for tat” experience, but should be lived with fewer conditions.
Relationships run into problems when we invest with an eye on the return. Resentment and tension are the only currency in your emotional bank, if you refuse to be truly generous with each other.
True giving is the cornerstone of intimate, loving connection. Fairness and reciprocity are reasonable parts of a relationship. A running tally of expectation and reimbursements will introduce mistrust and suspicion to your love, eroding it one business transaction at a time.
Committed relationships are partnerships built on “mutuality, reciprocity and trust.” Trust isn’t built through bookkeeping and meticulous records of each other’s partnership contributions. It’s perfectly fine to reach agreements about money and chores. Making a plan for working out the day-to-day routine of your relationship is good and normal. But if business transactions dominate your interactions, someone is going to end up feeling controlled. Then, an unselfish relationship ends and discontent begins.
Do your best to keep the business parts of your personal relationship where they belong. Place them far below the sensitive, generous, selfless places that breed devotion and delight in one another. Touch, give gifts, affirm, and serve. You’ll get much more out of that type of relationship. A business arrangement between lovers is much too cold and unsatisfying.
Love with an open heart and pure motives. Both you and your lover will benefit. It may be difficult at first to put down your scorecard and love unconditionally, but the gains are well worth the risks. Give it a try.
Read the entire article here: Myth: Marriage is a Fifty-Fifty Proposition
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