My approach to relationship therapy is solution-focused: helping the two of you solve issues that prevent you from being the loving couple you once were. My goal is to help you learn the tools you need to create the relationship that you want. My therapy style is direct and interactive.
Are you having one (or more) of the following problems in your relationship?
You miss the days that you could just talk to each other, without fighting.
You are sick of giving each other the cold shoulder and feeling like strangers.
The sizzle has turned to fizzle. The difference in your sex drives is creating conflict.
One of you is jealous for no reason and it is tearing you apart.
One of you had an affair and your future together is uncertain.
You both wish you get back some of the friendship and intimacy you had B.C. (before children)
You are better off changing your process, not your partner.
You both came into this relationship with baggage: baggage from previous relationships and baggage from growing up. Many times people really just don’t get how their words, tone of voice, jokes, and actions affect their partners. You are different people; you have different triggers and buttons. I can point out these dynamics and work with you to create an action plan.
I don’t encourage couples to rehash old fights and battle it out in the office. You can fight for free at home. I want you two to evaluate your relationship, develop creative solutions to ongoing problems, and have empathy for each other again. I can help you get back to being the loving couple you once were!
Couples Counseling FAQ
What if I don’t know if we need couples counseling or if I just need to meet with you alone and figure out if I want to be in this relationship?
This is a very common question. It depends on your situation. Give me a call and we can discuss what would be best for you and your relationship.
Do you only see married couples?
No. I see all couples. You are welcome whether you are married, partnered, living together, separated, divorced or single; and you are welcome whatever your sexual orientation or identity.
Maybe we should just end it. Can counseling really help us?
Maybe, maybe not. If you expect to come to counseling and have me tell your partner that she or he is wrong and that you are right, then no, counseling isn’t going to help. Isn’t this what you’ve already been doing, waiting for your partner to change? The truth is, you can only change yourself and your reactions. If you both are willing to take a hard look at your part in the dynamic, and work to change it, then amazing things can happen. There’ll always be time to divorce, but there may not always be time to save your marriage.
What will our first meeting be like, what is a couples counseling “assessment”?
In this initial session, I will help you assess whether couples counseling would be helpful. Although you and your partner are unique people, couples tend to fall into common relationship patterns. The assessment goals are to identify negative patterns and suggest a plan of action to change them.
I will listen to each of you, not to judge who is right or wrong but to help uncover the dynamics that are affecting you as a couple. Uncovering these dynamics is what has the real potential to help you as a couple.
At the end of the session, we will talk about some of these dynamics and how (and if) I think you can benefit from couples counseling. I will suggest a plan of action and give you a rough estimate of how many sessions it will be and what we will be doing in these sessions.
It is important that you both are committed to couples counseling. Instead of automatically booking a follow-up session, I’ll ask the two of you to go home and talk with each other about what we discussed in our meeting to see if you want to continue in couples counseling. If you do, then please call me. No pressure.
What if my partner isn’t ready?
Are you ready? Yes, it takes two to tango but often it only takes one person to change the dynamics of a relationship. You make up half of the relationship. If you improve your own self-awareness and thereby react in different ways to your partner, she or he will react in different ways. I’ve seen this work even in the most stubborn and serious cases of relationship conflict.
Why should we see you instead of some other couples therapist?
Because all I do is relationship therapy. In addition to my Masters degree in Marriage & Family Therapy, I have also taken numerous courses and lectures in the field of relationship therapy. I am a Certified Gottman Relationship Specialist. My practice is devoted to helping adults figure out their relationships.
If you are faced with infidelity in your marriage or relationship you really should come and see me. I am the author of three books on infidelity and have been quoted in the national media such as Huffington Post. I have helped countless couples in the aftermath of an affair. No one cheated? Think about it: if I can help countless couples not just survive, but THRIVE after infidelity I probably can help the two of you figure out what you are doing. No, it doesn’t mean you have to stay together. I really just want the two of you to see that love is possible even after a rough patch. I understand that not all relationships can (or should) be saved. Learn more about me and my approach under About Me.
A word to couples with children:
I understand that all relationships cannot be saved. I don’t believe in staying in a miserable relationship for “the sake of the children.” Having said that, I feel that children develop best in an intact household. Once you become a parent, frankly it isn’t all about you and your happiness. Your decision to separate will profoundly effect your children. It is not a decision that should be made lightly. Couples counseling can help you make absolutely sure that this relationship is beyond saving. This may sound either obvious or ridiculous, but often the stresses of everyday living, particularly with children and the strains they can put on a relationship, can cloud your judgment on such matters. You owe it to yourself and your children to try to salvage this relationship. If you believe this too, I’m the right counselor for you.
A word to gay, lesbian and same-sex couples:
While lesbian and gay couples have many of the same challenges as heterosexual couples, you also face additional outside pressures due to societal homophobia, which can create conflict within the relationship. These issues include: family acceptance, different levels of comfort with being “out” and religious or cultural expectations.
You need a counselor who can teach you to recognize these outside influences, so that you can better learn how to come together as a couple and resist these forces instead of letting them tear you apart. I am a LGBT affirmative counselor and have special training in same-sex couples dynamics. I am a proud member of the Los Angeles Gay Psychological Association. It’s not that I think “all couples are the same”. It isn’t the same. If you don’t see me, at least click on the link to LAGPA and see a Gay Affirmative Counselor. Please contact me for more information regarding my experience in the gay, lesbian, bisexual community. (GLBT counseling).
I provide individual therapy and relationship counseling to the communities of Burbank, Glendale, North Hollywood, Valley Village, Pasadena, South Pasadena, Los Angeles, Eagle Rock, Atwater Village, Sun Valley, San Fernando Valley and San Gabriel Valley. Yes, I put all those cities in so Google would find me. But YOU did? See, it worked!
Call me to schedule an appointment: (626) 644-1609 or use my contact form.