There are certain dynamics and patterns that come up repeatedly in relationships. This year I will be reaching out to other experts in the field of relationship therapy and asking them for their perspective on some of these topics.
I am very pleased to have, Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT as the first of my guest bloggers this year. Ms. Lancer is author of several books on Codependency including: Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. In this article she explains the Pursuer/Distancer dynamic.
“The Dance of Intimacy” By Darlene Lancer, M.A., MFT
Marriage counseling isn’t magic. It’s hard work. It’s about a couple’s motivation and timing. Only time with a counselor will tell whether a couple has waited too long. Timing is a vital component in whether marriage counseling works. “Last resort” sessions don’t do much good. Dr. John Gottman, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5… Read more »
What does it take to be happy?
Happiness means a wide variety of things and circumstances to most of us, but almost invariably there is a relationship involved. We want to share our lives.
Millions of dollars are spent by consumers who do what people do–seek the connection that makes them feel complete. Of course, this extends beyond romance. We also want friends and family in our lives. We want a “tribe” of fellow co-travellers to share our life journey. Our hearts and minds are better for it.
A romantic partnership is the foundation of a stable loving family. Try to let go of any guilt you may be feeling about spending time and/or money on yourselves. Remember, creating a stable family structure outweighs any short term discomfort your child (or you!) may have. The goal of date night is to feel connected to your partner as a human being again and not just relate to each other as co-parents/co-CEOs of the family.
Many couples will do almost anything to avoid a fight. When you avoid talking about a problem or difference, or you pretend it doesn’t exist, it can lead to feelings of resentment and neglect. These feelings will build over time until you explode and end up in a fight. While fighting, you are more likely to say and do things you regret later, and your fight will accomplish little or nothing.