There are certain dynamics and patterns that come up repeatedly in relationships. This year I will be reaching out to other experts in the field of relationship therapy and asking them for their perspective on some of these topics.
I am very pleased to have, Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT as the first of my guest bloggers this year. Ms. Lancer is author of several books on Codependency including: Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. In this article she explains the Pursuer/Distancer dynamic.
“The Dance of Intimacy” By Darlene Lancer, M.A., MFT
It’s not affairs that break up marriages: It’s the unfaithful spouse’s inability to be honest about what happened and leave the affair behind them, says Caroline Madden, a Burbank, California-based marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery.
“When I see couples divorce after an affair, it’s not usually because of the infidelity itself: The betrayed spouse simply gave up trying when their husband or wife continued to be selfish, shady, and untrustworthy,” said Madden, the author of Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?
Relationships don’t come with warning labels. When you’re faced with a potential partner, you are pretty much on your own. This is why relationship researchers at Kansas State University figured the lagging area of relationship warning signs deserved a bit of attention. Early in 2015, KSU’s Nathan Hardy and several study co-authors investigated how the… Read more »
Lose an argument every once in awhile. Surrender the idea of being right. This doesn’t mean that you’re wrong; you’re just willing to validate your partner’s experience.
A romantic partnership is the foundation of a stable loving family. Try to let go of any guilt you may be feeling about spending time and/or money on yourselves. Remember, creating a stable family structure outweighs any short term discomfort your child (or you!) may have. The goal of date night is to feel connected to your partner as a human being again and not just relate to each other as co-parents/co-CEOs of the family.