The Real Secrets of a Great Relationship

Randi Gunther, author of When Love Stumbles: How to Rediscover Love, Trust, and Fulfillment in your Relationship, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor for more than four decades, gathered 14 core, and somewhat subtle, behaviors of couples whose relationships are deeply connected, and grow closer and more committed over time:

Partners don’t share private knowledge of each other indiscriminately. Partners maintain a deep respect for each other’s vulnerability, secrets, and the trust between them.

Courageous openness. Partners want to know, face, and deal with relationship problems to avoid long-term damage.

Partners respect and honor unequal appetites. They negotiate and compromise in an effort to be fair and accommodate each other.

Partners are committed to mutually created relationship rules. Changes in basic values or relationship commitment is discussed before it is acted upon. Mutual agreements are foundational to trust.

Partners keep an emotional “red telephone” connection available. When times are tough, resentments are put aside for unconditional compassion and support that grows stronger with every crisis.

Partners personally experience each other’s sorrow. Even when they cause each other pain, they care and attempt to heal the hurt.

Partners practice emotional chivalry. Partners openly meet needs, even if their own needs are sacrificed, and don’t take advantage of each other.

Partners trust each other’s good intentions. Partners never fault one another for meeting their own needs, but trust they will sacrifice for each other when the situation requires it.

Partners expect each other to be courageous and strong when needed. They fight their challenges together. If either gets weak, the other carries the load.

Partners are committed to loving each other more deeply after each rupture. Withdrawal and self-protection are unacceptable.

Partners believe that the other is committed to doing the best he or she can.

Partners are in it for the long haul. Lasting, loving couples choose an interdependence that makes them better together. They don’t shut each other out.

Partners never kick the other when they are down. Partners never want to add to each other’s pain or frustration.

Partners treasure each other’s presence. Goodbyes and reunions are accompanied by true gratefulness. Partners recognize resilient relationships are rare, and work to preserve it.

Read the full article here: The Real Secrets of a Great Relationship