Many people find themselves facing anxiety about relationships before they are in one and/or while they are in one. What causes these anxieties? It could be in response to past relationships that hurt them. It could be the pattern they were taught growing up. Or it could be fear of the unknown.
No matter why we have this anxiety, the main culprit that makes it so hard to overcome is the same. It is the inner critic. The voice that is like a cynical roommate in our head who always gives unwanted and bad advice. This voice will tell us that we are not good enough, that our partner will lose interest in us, or that our partner will reject us when he or she gets to know the “real me.”
The thing that causes anxiety in our relationships is the fact that all of us, on some level, fear getting hurt. The more involved and intimate we are in a relationship, the more vulnerable we are to getting hurt. Ironically, when we are in a relationship that is going well, this anxiety will flare up the worst — as if it’s too good to be true. There are a variety of ways this anxiety can manifest in our behavior like clinging, controlling, rejecting, withholding, punishing, and retreating. Let’s look closer at two of these behaviors.
Clinging out of fear of losing our partner is one. We may start to become jealous, insecure, and desperate. We may no longer act like the independent person we were before, and may easily fall apart. On the other hand, we can begin to try and control our partner. We think, if we can stop the situations our partner engages in that cause our anxiety, then everything will be fine. This doesn’t work. Our partner won’t tolerate being controlled for long, and it only masks the problem which is our own fear, and not the actions of our partner.
There are healthy ways to fix the problem at the source. By dealing with your anxiety, you can overcome the problems in your relationship.
Read the full article here: How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety
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