According to a well-known sex therapist, Dr. Marty Klein, author of Sexual Intelligence, declining sexual desire is not that unusual. One of the prevailing problems lies with sexual initiation. By addressing the possible reasons people may resist initiation, rather than treating them as sexually dysfunctional, Klein believes patients can gain better perspective and regain desire.
It may be that a lack of desire has its roots in a variety of arenas. You or your partner may resist sexual initiation due to medical, psychological, relational factors. Consider the following examples:
• Joyless Sex– Often people have low expectations. They don’t expect sex to be good or enjoyable.
• Unresponsive Partner– When one partner feels ashamed, bitter, humiliated, or guilty about initiating sex, chances are it’s not going to happen.
• Critical Partner- An initiator is met with a critical or sarcastic tone; thereby, loving feelings are shut down pretty effectively.
• Constantly Shut Down– Repeatedly being rebuffed or rejected is hard to take. It becomes personal and ultimately not worth the humiliation.
• Feeling Undesirable– When a person bemoans their own lack of sex appeal or keeps their partner at arms’ length with their sexual insecurities, he or she may hinder a partner’s sexual interest or initiation.
•Forgettable “Foreplay”- When foreplay is not fun, eventually getting to intercourse seems like a lot of work and potentially not worth the trouble.
• 17 Again? – People sometimes mistake mature desire for low desire. Waiting to feel the overwhelming lust of youth probably means you won’t be initiating sex any time soon.
According to Dr. Klein, communication, medical expertise, counseling, and therapy intended to address both physical and behavioral issues, will help resolve a lot of problems related to initiation. With time and a little help, you and your partner will feel desire resurge, and seek each other out again.
Read the full article here: What’s keeping you from the sex life you want
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