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One factor that may determine whether a relationship can survive infidelity is the nature of the affair. Some affairs lack any emotional commitment, while others involve a deeper level of intimacy and connection than is found within the primary relationship.  Often the hurt partner asks the same questions over and over about the affair in an effort to protect themselves from a future affair.  This tends to backfire and the partner who had the affair starts to feel as they will be in the doghouse forever and may get discouraged.  This leads to both partners being stuck.   Having an experienced therapist can help bring out the underlying issues into the open and then work through them.  It is important to reveal the “real reasons” of the affair and deal with them.  This is the only way the hurt partner can have any security that a future affair will not occur.

The impact on the lives of those who practice infidelity is enormous. It violates the integrity, trust, and commitment upon which marriage is based. When two people enter into a committed relationship, they make a promise to love and honor each other. This involves making a heart-felt promise to work through the problems that are sure to arise within the relationship. To break that promise means dishonoring the trust of the person who has agreed to live with you and build a life together. When an extramarital affair is discovered, a crisis ensues. Now the question is – can this relationship continue? Depending on how this crisis is dealt with by both partners, the relationship does have a chance to continue. In some cases, this relationship crisis serves as a watershed event that opens the door to self-examination and honest communication that may put the relationship on stronger ground.

In my opinion, it is extremely difficult for couples to get through this without professional help.  There are too many places for each partner to get stuck.  The betrayed partner asks many questions, often the same question over and over—why?  The partner who has the affair, recommits to the primary relationship but grieves the loss of the affair partner—why?  These are just two examples of topics that need to be handled with care.

It may be too late to save your relationship.  But then again, it may not.   It can be helpful to have someone outside of your situation take a more objective look at your relationship.  Things I look for: is the “spark” still there?  is there a third party (read: affair) involved? are you willing to look at your part in the relationship?

Hi all.

I will be back from maternity leave on October 1st.  Current or returning clients can feel free to call me at 626-644-1609 to set-up an appointment. Unfortunately at this time, I am not accepting new clients.

Hi there.  Just to let you know that I will be going on maternity leave in August and hope to return in October 2011.  Because of this I am not accepting any new clients at this time.

If you are looking for a couples counselor or individual therapist in the Burbank, Glendale, North Hollywood, Pasadena area I have some suggestions:

Donna Bloom, MFT  Burbank  818-841-1300

Ann Geber, LCSW Burbank 818-312-2341

Tanna DeSouza, MFT  Pasadena 626-683-3155

Lynda Tyrell, Ph.D. Pasadena 626-524-1724

Thank you.