Emotionally Intelligent Men Matter

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We all hear how it’s important for couples to communicate. Yet it is just as necessary for men to be emotionally aware and perceptive of their partners.

Research shows that couples in which men are willing to accept influence from their wives are actually happier. They also have a lower risk of divorce as well.  Interestingly, gay couples are better at allowing themselves to be influenced by their partners than straight couples.

What does it mean to be influenced by your partner? It means being emotionally aware of your partner, what their needs are, and being willing to listen to them.  In turn, you allow yourself to be open to feedback and make appropriate changes.

For example, let’s say that you and your partner get into an argument. What often happens, especially among heterosexual couples, is that the male will emotionally shut down. Instead of sticking with the conversation and hearing what his partner is saying, the male emotionally withdraws from the discussion. He will look for an escape, whether it is turning or the TV or say he needs to step out.

Why is that? It’s because both men and women have been taught since childhood how to process (or not process) emotions. Men are told to brush off their feelings and keep going, whereas women are taught to process and resolve conflict. The result is that when they reach adulthood there exists a mismatch in skill level.

Men can work to better accept their wives’ influence in several ways.  The Gottman Institute recommends:

  • Finding ways to express your love to each other.
  • Be open to connecting with one another.
  • Creating “Love Maps.”
  • If there is an argument, compromise.

Marriage takes a lot of work and results won’t happen overnight. However, it is possible for men to learn how to become more open and accepting of influence from their wives. This, in turn, can lead to a happier marriage.

Want to learn more about emotionally intelligent men? You can read the full post by the Gottman Institute here:  Emotionally Intelligent Husbands are Key to a Lasting Marriage.

 

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