Posts Categorized: Break up advice

My Tips in Huff Post Article: Moving on After an Affair

Posted by & filed under affair recovery burbank, Break up advice, Counseling Services in Burbank Pasadena, rebuild trust after an affair.

Once you’ve made the decision to end the marriage or relationship, commit yourself to leaving. That means figuring out the logistics of divorce (Where are you going to stay? Should you retain a lawyer or is mediation your best bet?) and also coming to terms with the finality of your decision, said Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist and the author of Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?

“Stop waiting for your spouse to come through the door,” she said. “Stop arguing about the affair. There is nothing to argue about anymore.

Instead, Madden said to “take an honest inventory of how the marriage wasn’t working for you. If he or she was cheating, your needs probably weren’t being met and you deserve to be with a spouse who doesn’t bail during rough times.”

Are You in the Wrong Relationship?

Posted by & filed under Break up advice, Recommended Books for Couples.

Too much of any of these behaviors, from either partner, can have both of you running for the nearest exit. If, on the other hand, you were to follow what Dr. Daniel Siegel author of Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation calls the “COAL” Attitude: Curious, Open, Accepting, and Loving, you might find solutions you hadn’t seen before. Taking the COAL point of view, and accepting the fact that everyone–including yourself–is human, you can ask yourself these two questions:

Uncovering the Most Toxic Pattern in Relationships

Posted by & filed under Break up advice.

There is a pattern of relationship interaction that is so invasive, toxic, and unfortunately common that it is considered a classic: Demand/Withdraw or DM/W.

Demand/Withdraw is such a strong predictor of marital dissatisfaction and divorce that it should be considered poison to your relationship and handled accordingly.

DM/W appears to be a conflict more likely to occur in relationships that are already under stress. In many situations, one spouse is depressed. Generally, the pattern plays out in a gender-specific way. Research finds women commonly play the demand role; the withdraw role is played by men. This is probably due to the way women and men are socialized.

How to get through a break-up

Posted by & filed under Break up advice.

Ouch.  You were in love with someone, and that someone said that they don’t love you back….or wanted to take a “break”……or wanted to “be friends.”  Nothing feels as good as the high of love and nothing feels as crappy as a break-up. As a relationship therapist for almost a decade, I have heard both… Read more »