It turns out, the key to a successful relationship isn’t a mystery at all. In fact, well-known relationship expert Dr. John Gottman has identified four key traits for relationship success through his research.

The first trait for a successful relationship is bidding for connection. A bid can be anything that you or your partner do to signal that you are seeking to be connected to one another.

This is as simple as looking at each other in a certain way, gesturing, or asking a question. Keep in mind, these bids can happen informally or in the moment. Also, bids sometimes require you to seek a deeper meaning.  The important thing is to not miss the message.

Another important relationship trait? How you respond to bids for connection. These are referred to as “turns.” If you wish to respond to your partner’s bid for a connection you “turn” towards them. If not, you turn away.

According to Gottman’s research, couples who turn towards each other don’t have as many conflicts as those who turn away. This is because they are having those conversations needed to make the relationship work. Also, they are showing to one another that they care for each other and are genuinely interested in what they have to say.

Next comes decoding the bids for attention. This means being able to interpret the signals that your partner is sending you for connection.

In his research, Gottman identified that even couples in successful relationships miss bids about 20% of the time. Whereas, in relationships that are struggling and lead to divorce, husbands dismiss their wives’ bids at nearly 82% of the time.

Finally, the fourth trait to be aware of is “curiosity, depth, feelings” or CDF. Gottman breaks this down like so:

• Curiosity:  Asking questions that are open-ended in nature and listen intently to your partner.
• Depth:  Going beyond surficial questions to what really matters.
• Feelings:  Being curious about how your partner truly feels.

Want to learn more about the four traits of a successful relationship? You can read the full article here:  4 Secrets to Successful Relationships.