Dealing with tension and stress in a relationship is hard. And sometimes, the words that you exchange with each other gets harsh. Things get heated and out of control. The next thing you know, you are in an explosive argument. Again.
Every couple goes through this. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes we lash out at the people who mean the most to us in life. We are all dealing with stress from everyday things. Work, raising families, social obligations, keeping up with errands, finances…the list goes on and on. And then when you add in problems with a relationship? It’s no wonder why we are all so stressed.
So despite our best of intentions, we end up arguing with our partner. We get really angry and hurt. Instead of letting your next fight turn explosive, let’s look at some tips on how you can communicate better with your partner when you are angry.
1. Focus On What Is Going On Now
We all do this. We’re in the middle of an argument about something going on right now. And suddenly, something in the past is brought up. One of you throws a past mistake, or past words, out in the open. And the anger between you two intensifies. Rinse and repeat.
It’s hard not to let the past come up during an argument. But before you throw something out there, think for a second. Is this going to help resolve anything right now? Does this feel relevant to what is being discussed right now? If the answer to either of those things is “no,” then you probably shouldn’t say it.
2. What Are Their Viewpoints?
It’s human nature – we all think that we are in the right. That our perspective and our opinions is what matters and is important. When we are in a heated argument, sometimes, we can’t look past our own feelings and thoughts.
This is one of the things that can actually really throw off communication in a relationship when you are angry. You both feel validated in what you are feeling and thinking about a situation. But how often do you try to understand where they are coming from?
That is perhaps one of the greatest tips you can try to remember when trying to communicate with your partner. Arguments sometime get out of control when you are trying to only hear what you want to say. Listen. What are they saying? Understand why and how they feel a certain way or think something.
3. Walk Away
You’re in the middle of an argument and nothing is getting resolved. Shouting at each other. Throwing words around that neither of you really mean, but in the heat of the moment, it comes out.
Despite all of this, it’s tempted to keep trying to hash things out. You can’t seem to walk away. But, that is sometimes the best thing to do. Is to just walk away from each other. The issue will still need to be resolved, but, this is going to help you both calm down.
It’s okay to say, “I am done arguing about this, let’s give each other space.” And do exactly that.
Bonus Tip: Couples Counseling Can Help You Communicate Better
Everyone struggles to communicate effectively. It’s hard to express your needs and wants with your partner when you are angry. Without being able to effectively communicate, it’s common for most people to repeat this cycle of anger.
But it doesn’t have to stay this way. As a licensed therapist, I have seen and heard it all with what couples go through. I have witnessed firsthand how a breakdown in communication can be corrected with couples counseling. Let’s connect soon so I can help you and your partner learn to communicate better.
