It feels like love. It looks like love. Yet, that tight bond with your partner may not be what you think it is. Especially if you lose yourself in order to maintain it.
An enmeshed relationship is one that blurs the lines of identity and growth. It’s important that you take a good look at how you and your partner interact if you feel like something is amiss. While you want depth and closeness, you also want space and individuality.
So, the aim is to be able to identify enmeshment before boundaries are too entangled. Are any of the following happening in your relationship?
Are your joint emotions indistinguishable?
Emotions that are too connected or “shared” create emotional codependence. In this state, you likely have a hard time being okay if your partner is not okay. It feels intolerable to be on different emotional pages. This is unhealthy and impedes self-reflection and emotional regulation.
Has your identity blurred or faded?
This refers to the sense that you feel lost without each other. You actually feel like you don’t know who you are outside of your relationship. Together, you feel like you are important and vibrant. Apart, you may feel boring or insignificant. Thus, you can both become emotionally fragile and psychologically weakened by your connection.
Does constant proximity overwhelm personal space and privacy?
Enmeshed couples tend to do too much together. Constantly being in each other’s presence means the time you might set aside for self-care suffers. Such high levels of togetherness can feel isolating from others and make you wonder if being on your own is even okay.
Do you fear being left behind?
Being abandoned, left alone, or separated are fears that drive you to distraction in an enmeshed relationship. It is literally the worst case scenario as going on without your partner seems impossible.
Healthy relationship partners don’t want to separate but also know they could survive on their own.
Does your sense of responsibility foster anxiety?
Enmeshed partners live with loads of guilt and worry. That’s the unfortunate result of feeling responsible for your partner’s feelings all the time.
How you can sort out an enmeshed relationship
Establishing your boundaries and learning to be emotionally responsible for yourselves is the road to a healthier relationship. It’s important to work on yourself, with your partner for better communication, and with a couples counselor to set new relationship goals. To learn more about enmeshment and healthier love read more here: 5 Signs You’re in an Enmeshed Relationship
- Learn Action Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Your Marriage
- Stop the Fighting
- Reconnect With Your Spouse
