Suzanne B. Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP, CGP, FAGPA, licensed psychologist and host of “Psych up Live” on International Radio suggests that there are three key dynamics underlying many breakups and unsatisfying relationships.
Distrust, disrespect, and disinterest, she says, are “relationship killers.”
Distrust fosters doubt in a partner’s honesty and reliability.
Distrust negates genuine sharing and safety. This can happen as a result of a partner’s inauthenticity about their personal lives, history, family, or finances. Refusal to share feelings or disclose activities can be an anxiety-making relationship problem. Or a pattern that reveals a lack of commitment fosters distrust as well. In truth, secrecy in any area makes trust difficult to build.
Phillips points out too, that distrust due to an affair often finishes off a relationship. Attempts to deny it, ignore it, or get over it too quickly makes trust impossible. Only a serious commitment to rebuilding trust with shared goals and professional guidance can support true healing. Without those measures in place, loving again safely and honestly is unlikely.
Disrespect is often subtle and destructive.
Distrust is a toxic and fatal aspect of a relationship. Disrespect can hide in humor, excuses, silence, and passive- aggression as well as overt contempt. Dr. Phillips notes that if disrespect is a relationship theme, partners may even be unaware of how much damage they are doing.
To be clear, if you embarrass, dismiss, mock, or shutdown your partner, you disrespect them. Your body language, tone of voice, and public treatment indicate your regard for them (or lack thereof). An inability to acknowledge such treatment and make it right is disrespectful as well.
Phillips cites relationship expert John Gottman for added insight. He notes that critical, contemptuous, defensive, and stonewalling behavior are often predictors of divorce.
Disinterest denies a special, safe, intimate connection.
Disinterest essentially withholds relationship. A disinterested partner is no partner at all. The interested partner experiences loss and a lack of emotion that is often more painful than conflict.
If comfort, acceptance, compassion, desire, and intimacy are withheld, what’s the point? Tedium and obligation take the place of connection and support. If disinterest results in shut-down communication and boredom, attachment and investment die.
You can stop relationship destruction…
Recognition and action are the keys to change. Whatever is destroying your relationship can be addressed with guidance and commitment.
Read more here: Three Destructive Dynamics to Recognize in Your Marriage
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