Communication determines your relationship’s health whether you are in heterosexual or a same-sex relationship.

For more than a decade, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Robert Levenson studied and compared straight and gay relationships. Humor and kindness, as well as positivity throughout disagreements, seems to be more prevalent found that gay and lesbian couples used more kindness and humor to bring up a disagreement, and partners are more positive as they engage in a dispute with one another.

Dr. Gottman also determined that heterosexual and same-sex partners experienced negative feedback differently. In heterosexual relationships, it was one partner was more likely to be hurt another by the other’s negative comment than they were made to feel good with their positive comments. Yet, research of same-sex couples indicated that their positive comments to each other had a greater tendency to elicit good feelings. Negative comments, though, seemed to have less effect on eliciting hurt.

Why might gay couples be different in this respect?

Effective Curiosity and Active Listening
Balanced, reciprocal communication builds trust. Even if the topic isn’t necessarily “what’s wrong”. Genuine interest is communicated.

Rules and Boundaries Matter
A continued willingness to learn from each other is key. Establishing rules and boundaries allows needs to remain visible and available for response.

Speak Your Truth
Know how you communicate and use your tendency to speak your truth directly, clearly and routinely. Checking in often, helps maintain connection.

Touch to Remain Present
Feel-good hormones are released when partners touch. Turn toward each other during tough times.

Any couple can make changes that change things for the better.

If you’re curious about how your communication style plays into your relationship, read more here

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