When we think about codependency and narcissism, we often see them as polar opposites. After all, codependency is more closely aligned with an excess amount of being selfless. Whereas narcissism is more closely linked to being selfish.
Would it be surprising to hear that they are actually more closely linked than most people believe? Even though they are polar opposites, both share a lot of similar traits. And, furthermore, they often have the same types of core symptoms.
But what is the connection between these two? Let’s first go over what each is.
What Is Narcissism?
When you call someone a narcissist, it typically means any number of the following:
- They ignore the needs of people in their life
- Disregard for other people’s feelings
- Not understanding how their actions can affect other people
- Feeling entitled
- Manipulative or controlling behavior
- An over-inflated sense of self-worth
What Is Codependency?
For people who are in a codependent relationship, there is an imbalance in their relationships. Seen as one-sided, one person does more of the giving while the other does more taking. This imbalance almost always leads to toxic and unhealthy relationships.
The person who is in a codependent relationship, will typically:
- Put the other person’s needs above their own
- Extremely sensitive and mindful of other people’s feelings
- Avoiding intimacy
- Compromisement of their own values and morals to appease someone else’s
How Are Codependency and Narcissism Connected?
If you look at the signs above, you would likely be completely convinced that there is no connection between the two.
One of the ways that they can be connected is both codependency tendencies and narcissistic traits can have ties to childhood. More than that, they share a number of characteristics with one another.
Shame
Both will involve feelings of shame. For someone who is codependent, they likely learned these habits because of wanting to seek love or approval when they weren’t getting it naturally or unconditionally. For a narcissist, their shame begins because they want to be recognized, when in childhood they felt as if they weren’t enough.
The need for love and approval is a natural human response. However, it can lead to either of these conditions from developing when there is an imbalance in early childhood.
Denying Feelings
In both disorders, emotional needs are denied and ignored. Either ignoring someone else’s needs or their own. This can also stem from a childhood where their own emotional needs were either outright ignored or they were shamed for what they did feel.
People-Pleasing
Someone who is a narcissist or codependent are people pleasers, for different reasons, of course. Narcissists seek approval and to be recognized, which are both forms of people-pleasing. For someone who is codependent, they want to be seen and heard, but this often comes at the sacrifice of their own needs.
How To Cope With Narcissism And Codependency
Sometimes, a relationship can have both a narcissist and a codependent person in the relationship. When there is a relationship that has this type of dynamic, it can be really challenging to get the relationship to be on a healthier level. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t possible.
Each comes with its own set of challenges and obstacles that can make someone’s individual life more challenging to deal with. When you add them into a relationship, it can end up spelling disaster and major conflict.
If you are recognizing any of these characteristics in your life or relationship, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. There is no shame in admitting when we need to work on ourselves. Even though these issues may stem from your childhood, you can still find ways to overcome them. Reach out to me for couples counseling or individual counseling to begin the process of healing today.
