Tough times call for teamwork. If you are in a committed relationship, you know how important it is to ensure your bond is secure and that you’re on the same page. 

Call this bond emotional connection. Consider it critical for the strength and longevity of your relationship.

Sadly, many partners disconnect when life gets hard. Their differing responses lead to fractures and falling apart instead of bonding and pulling together.

Why? Randi Gunther, California therapist and author of “When Love Stumbles: How to Rediscover Love, Trust, and Fulfillment in Your Relationship”, believes that many couples don’t know how to understand their partner’s coping mechanisms. Thus, when threats to their relationships arise, differences in response lead to misunderstanding and emotional detachment.

Gunther contends that there are several clear warnings that signal emotional detachment in a relationship. These questions might help determine your level of connection:

Are you less available to each other?

When invitations or bids to connect are met with less warmth or rejected more often, trust suffers and love feels less secure.

Do you leave without saying where or why?

Committed partners are rarely vague about their coming and going with each other. Staying in touch is part of feeling bonded, secure, and needed.

Are you short when responding to each other? 

There is a problem when ongoing irritation or impatience, reflected in your voices, body language, or distance, occurs. Connected partners want to repair the rift, emotionally detached couples tend to blame and escape each other.

Is preoccupation or brooding stealing too much time?

If one or both of you is prone to prolonged silence or escapism, sharing suffers. This gives rise to anxiety, detachment, and resentment. Connected couples include each other.

Is communication closed?

When communication is shut down, indifferent, or terse, partners can no longer “read” each other. Lack of transparency leads to misinterpretation and the sense that the relationship is insecure.

Is “Us” no longer at the top of the list?

If you or your partner no longer prioritizes your commitment, emotional detachment is afoot. Sharing with or including others outside the relationship before each other is a red flag. Daily withdrawal fosters less emotional connection.

Is depression a factor? 

A joyless, sad, and withdrawn partner hasn’t much to give. Emotional detachment is a natural outgrowth of feeling unworthy or helpless. It’s vital to seek help.

Are your feelings for someone else at play?

Your emotional detachment as a couple may be due to one or both of your romantic attachments to other people. Affection, concern, and availability decline when interest in a new relationship increases.

Have affection and intimacy waned?

Emotional detachment often occurs when intentional affection is put on the back burner. Demonstrating how much you matter to each other supports closeness and sexual chemistry. 

Is transformation at a standstill?

Relationships that lack growth and energy can feel stagnant. If the relational investment appears to be without promise, feelings falter and fade. Emotional connection surges when you commit to a productive, forward-moving life together.

Finally, Dr. Gunther notes that it’s important to realize temporary emotional detachment happens to every couple at times. Still, it’s also important to recognize the signs.

Allow mutual compassion to reconnect you. If you find you need more tools and support to make this happen, it’s okay. Reach out for support together to turn things around.

Read more here: The Danger of Emotional Detachment