Did you hope the forced closeness of our pandemic season might be good for your relationship? Yet, now you find that after months of “togetherness”, you just feel less close and more lonely?

You aren’t alone.

Despite more time in a shared space, many couples find they are worried more and more about a third party interfering with their relationship.  In fact, given the amount of time we now spend on-screen and online, couples report that concerns about emotional cheating have escalated quickly.

• Does your partner have a “special” close friend?
• Is your partner so responsive and interested in interacting with them that you feel uneasy or left out? 
• Do you feel that this special friend gets the treatment that should be reserved for you?
• Are you often hurt and resentful about the relationship, but see little change from your partner?

Between social media, photo sharing, and text messaging, it can be quite easy to fall into an intense, emotional, fantasy type of connection. A relationship that might be tempting when one feels confined and /or confronted by the difficulties of their committed relationship.

Psychologist Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., and author of Finding True Love, examines six signs of emotional cheating that she finds often occur among her clients. Perhaps you recognize one or more of the following issues in your relationship:

1. You and Your Partner Argue A Lot About It

Is there perpetual fighting about this third person in your relationship?

If it seems that your partner simply doesn’t see the problem, or accuses you of being jealous rather than considering your concerns, there is a problem. The fact that your partner would argue and advocate for the other person despite your anxiety is revealing. Their focus is inappropriately tied to the outside party.

2. You Experience a Host of Negative Emotions About Your Partner’s Friend

Do you routinely suffer a lot of negative emotions, thoughts, and worries about your partner’s interaction with the other person? If your partner’s actions consistently inspire anger, resentment, or jealousy, something is out emotionally of balance. More telling too, is that your feelings are not appropriately considered. 

3. Your Self-esteem is Sinking

How healthy is the relationship for you? If witnessing your partner’s interaction constantly leads to self-comparison and self-criticism, consider your relationship and their relationship to be a real problem. Your partner’s emotional ties to the other person are affecting your confidence. A fairly clear sign of trouble is that their emotional withdrawal is taking a toll on you.

4. Your Partner Resists Your Request for Change

How did it go when you asked your partner to limit or end their contact with this person? If they strongly resisted or lied about complying and continued the relationship, an emotional affair may be taking place. They are no longer protecting and prioritizing your connection.

5. Relationship Distance Continues to Snowball 

Are fights, criticism, negativity, and dissatisfaction ongoing obstacles in your relationship? If poor communication and negative patterns of interaction continue to worsen, it may be that your partner’s attachment to the other party is overtaking your connection.

What Can You Do?

If you believe emotional cheating is happening in your relationship, don’t suffer in silence. Consider couples counseling or sessions on your own. Work through your feelings safely and clearly with an objective, experienced professional. Read more about emotional cheating here: Signs of Emotional Cheating