How do we keep intimacy foremost in our most cherished relationships?
Regardless of the pandemic and all it’s anxiety-producing distractions, becoming close and staying close is an ongoing concern for most couples.
After all, it takes to find and combine lives with the partner for you, it seems that life works hard at throwing obstacles in the ways of sustained intimacy. If you feel you are always wading through work obligations, parental duties, social demands, and personal needs to get back to each other, you are not alone.
Yet, it is very important that you find ways to carve out that intimate space routinely to keep your love alive. Therapist Terry Gaspard notes that, according to Gottman’s research
Sexual and emotional intimacy are improved by “emotional devotion” and the commitment to stay connected. In essence, you aren’t “just having sex.”
Sexual intimacy is affirmation and confirmation of love and affection. Pleasure, tenderness, and playfulness indicate a desire to be there completely for each other. With this in place, dissatisfaction is much less likely.
Gaspard and the Gottman Institute suggest that using your words is the best way forward.
Build strong emotional and sexual intimacy through strong emotional connection.
You may feel disconnected because you stopped communicating about what you like, need, or want. Thus, you are less comfortable discussing your sexual desires as well.
Consider that talking about sex is a way to add spice and a new sort of foreplay to your relationship. Emotional intimacy is created as you feel safer and freer to share this way.
The core idea is to actively practice sharing this way on a daily basis so that it becomes a comfortable engaging way to relate. Soon affection, closeness, and satisfaction will permeate your relationship in and out of the bedroom.
Positivity is vital for intimacy to flourish.
Sex and intimacy thrive in an environment where communication and forgiveness are foundational. When you can openly and compassionately allow each other to give and receive love, intimacy comes much easier.
If it’s been a long time since you felt comfortable being that free and open, you aren’t alone. Consider time with a couples counselor to work through any obstacles to the closeness you long for. In the meantime, please read more about intimacy here: The Art of Sensual Communication
- Learn Action Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Your Marriage
- Stop the Fighting
- Reconnect With Your Spouse
