After a relationship ends, it can be a really challenging time for anyone. No matter how long you were together, it is a huge adjustment to no longer have this person as part of your life.
Some relationships end amicably, with both people agreeing that they are not right for each other. In cases like this, ripping the band-aid off, while still hurtful, isn’t as hard. However, when a relationship ends on bad terms, it can make you feel scared to commit to someone again.
Or maybe you are still with your partner, but you find yourselves in the same arguments or situations time and time again.
No relationship is perfect. Regardless of how the relationship ended or if you are still together, you can use the past as a stepping stone to the future. Here are some tips on how not to repeat relationship mistakes.
4 Tips To Not Go Through The Same Mistakes Again
Adjust Your Expectations
It would be wonderful if relationships were like the ones depicted in tv shows, books, or movies. However, no relationship is like a fairy tale and it won’t always be blissful.
Adjusting your expectations about a relationship can help you have a healthier one. Instead of looking at past relationships or a current one with rose-colored glasses, focus on reality.
Look At How You Were Treated
In your past relationships, how were you treated? Look beyond the gifts and material aspects. How were you taken care of emotionally? Did you feel as if you couldn’t talk to your partner? Or maybe you felt as if they just didn’t care about your viewpoint or your feelings.
Looking at what made you unhappy in the past can help you to stop repeating the same mistakes in a future relationship. At the beginning of the relationship, try to pay attention to the small red flags. It could be an indicator that the past may just be repeated all over again.
Understand How Their Values Compare To Yours
When we are younger and begin dating, we don’t necessarily focus on values. We look for someone we can have fun with and get along well with. But as we mature, we begin to realize that relationships are more than just having fun. They take a lot of work and sacrifice.
But the one thing you should never sacrifice is your own values. When you get into a serious relationship with someone who is the complete opposite of you, it can often spell out disaster. Even if you have good chemistry with them, this can’t cancel out the things you two will never agree on.
Take a close look at your values and opinions. If the opposing value isn’t something you can live with, learn from the past and don’t start up a relationship.
Don’t Compare Your Relationship To Anyone Else’s
You should never look at another relationship and compare it to your own. Not your friends, not your parents, or their parents, no one. Why?
Every relationship is different and so is every person. You can’t look at your parents’ relationship if it was bad and think that will happen to you. Alternatively, you can’t expect your relationship to be the same as your friends.
Learning From The Past Sometimes Needs An Outside Perspective
Try as we might, sometimes mistakes from the past keep reoccurring. It’s not our fault, we all just get stuck in a cycle where we can’t change what we want to; no matter how hard we try.
If you find that you are repeating past relationship mistakes, I would love to connect with you so you can see how beneficial relationship or couples counseling can be.
