No relationship is perfect. The movies and television shows try to convince us otherwise. We are flawed human beings and life can get messy. However, nothing can make matters worse quicker when there is poor communication within a relationship.
We all know how important communicating is in a relationship. But, not everybody knows how to effectively do this. It varies from each couple to the next. Nothing can be more frustrating, however, than trying to communicate with an avoidant partner.
It can feel like an uphill battle with no relief in sight when your partner is avoiding you. Or refusing to talk about certain subject matters. While you may feel like throwing in the towel sometimes, it definitely does not have to come to that. Here are some tips for communicating with an avoidant partner.
Don’t Blame Yourself
It can be tempting to blame yourself when your partner does not want to talk. One of the most important things to remember is that in life, we aren’t all the same. Including opening up and trusting other people.
Avoidant people are typically less likely to want to immediately open up about what they are feeling or going through. There is nothing wrong with that, to a certain extent. While they should definitely learn to do that with you, of all people, it’s better to remember that it isn’t second nature for them to be an open book.
Let Them Have Space
If you’re reading this, you are likely the complete opposite of them when it comes to communicating. You probably want to hash things out “right here, right now.” Or you need to talk about your feelings and thoughts. Just as their communication style is not wrong, neither is yours.
Try to give them space. No amount of your prying and probing will make them want to talk. As we said above, just give it some time. They may need time to process their own thoughts before they can articulate them to someone else.
Arguing? Don’t Come At Them Too Hard
One thing to know about avoidant people, they do not like conflict! Period. While issues and conflict within a relationship should be addressed, this needs to be done tactfully. Especially when it comes to someone who doesn’t want to deal with conflict.
By pushing someone or continuing to argue, you’ll likely just manage to make them angry. And instead of them fighting back, there’s probably a good chance that they will just completely shut down. Causing you to feel as if they don’t care or are giving up on things.
When you are in a fight, sometimes, avoidant or not, it’s best to give one another space. To agree to walk away, cool off, then come back to it at a later time when you are both more level-headed.
Learn About Each Other’s Style Of Communicating
We never truly stop learning about our partners. As we go through life, each of us inevitably changes. No matter if you have been together one year or twenty years, it is a never-ending learning process.
That is why truly learning about each other’s communication and attachment styles is important. For both of you. By understanding each other’s thought processes and how those are expressed, you can come to a better understanding of one another.
If you are struggling to really understand each other and the needs that you both have, you don’t have to just give up or let things continue the way are. Couples counseling can help you find ways to effectively communicate with one another and find a way forward. Let’s connect soon so I can help you.
