For most people, the word codependency is closely related to an addiction of substances or alcohol. However, there is more than one definition to what the word codependency can mean. For the purposes of this blog, we are just going to focus on codependency in relationships. Codependency can also happen in friendships or family relationships, but today’s focus is just on romantic ones.

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is a term that is used when there is an imbalance in a relationship. In a codependent relationship, one partner relies on the other heavily. It is normal for there to be times when one partner needs to give more than they take. Then to be the taker, and not the giver. This is a sign of a healthy fluctuating relationship where you are balancing each other’s needs.

However, it can become imbalanced when one partner is always the giver and never the receiver. Or when one partner is always the receiver and never the giver. Codependent relationships only ever benefit one person in the relationship.

What Are Signs Of A Codependent Relationship?

Lack of boundaries

In codependent relationships, both partners have trouble discerning where the boundaries should be in the relationship. One partner may not understand how to set boundaries with the partner who is really reliant on them. The other partner might have difficulties in determining what they are taking too far.

Poor communication

Healthy communication in a relationship is crucial to it’s success. It can be the making or breaking point of a lot of relationships. In codependent relationships, a couple really struggles to effectively communicate with one another.

What Are The Types Of Codependency?

Let’s take it one step further and go over two different subtypes of codependent relationships – passive and active codependency.

Active codependency

This is the partner who actively tries to manipulate the relationship. Sometimes seen as controlling or demanding, this partner is not afraid of causing conflict or starting arguments. Instead of trying to avoid confrontation, they go in full force. While avoiding conflict isn’t the answer, either, there should be a balance between knowing when something needs brought up vs when it needs to be let go. And unfortunately for the actively codependent partner, they don’t know where this boundary lays.

Passive codependency

Whereas the active codependent partner is not afraid of conflict, the passive codependent partner fears it. They try to avoid any type of confrontation or argument in a relationship. Often times, but not all the time, this partner is the one who has a lower self-esteem. Instead of asserting themselves and trying to set boundaries, they will stay in a relationship with their more controlling partner.

While this partner is passive, that doesn’t mean they can’t be problematic in a relationship. Because they don’t want to directly cause conflict and avoid it, they’ll try to secretly influence their partner. While they may not be openly manipulative, trying to influence their partner in this manner is definitely not a good thing either.

What To Do If You Are In A Codependent Relationship

It doesn’t matter if you are the passive or active codependent partner. If you recognize any of these issues in your relationship, it’s important to find support. When you are in a codependent relationship, there are likely larger issues underneath the surface that need attached.

And just because you are in a codependent relationship does not mean that you can’t find a way to create a healthier space for both you and your partner. As a licensed therapist, I have worked with many couples who are in a codependent relationship who have found a way to heal and move forward. Let’s connect soon so you can learn how couples counseling can help you.