Despite the myriad of responsibilities and obligations mast couple juggles, the myth that great sex should “just happen” persists. The truth? Great sex, long-term, just doesn’t exist without effort.
That realization can really trip couples up as they struggle to keep sex interesting. Often, the will to do so is one partner’s goal more than the other’s. To restore sexual order (with fewer arguments and more lovemaking) try the following:
Picture your partner scared or overwhelmed
Your partner probably does value your sex life. It just doesn’t feel that way. Why? It may be that they’re scared. Sex talk can scary and overwhelming. Many people would rather just avoid it, especially if their partner’s approach is emotionally charged.
To avoid shutdown, try to imagine your partner feeling lost or frightened by the topic. Approach them with compassion and productive discussion in mind.
Clearly share how much sex means to you
Are your conversations/arguments about sex centered on the logistics of sex or the meaning of sex? You may be at an impasse because reconciling the problem has more to do with your emotions than the time, place, or sexual initiator.
More successful discussion can evolve if you and your partner deal in the emotional aspects of sex. Talk about what you get out of it and how you feel through the process of coming together sexually.
Ask if your partner feels satisfied
Sexual generosity stems from relational fulfillment. Be sure to work on physical and emotional intimacy simultaneously. Talk about how you can increase happiness in all aspects of your relationship.
Prioritize a team-effort perspective
Recognize that neither of you is the ” broken” partner. The pressure to change can lead to fear. Let your partner know that a fulfilled sex life and your relationship are team goals.
This understanding can make sex less work and more fun.
Seek professional guidance
If the impasse between you is impenetrable without help, don’t hesitate to seek out a couples counselor or sex therapist. Again, emphasize teamwork and whether they are willing to go to sessions together for your best chance at a positive response.
Consider your options
Do you and your partner just want different things? If so, it may be time to discuss other options. Is it time to consider an open relationship or some other non-traditional solution? Work with a counselor to figure out what makes sense for both of you.
Resist ultimatums but not necessary decision-making
Ultimatums regarding your willingness to sleep in the same room or stay in the relationship usually fail. Your partner must make their own decisions without manipulation. Still, remember that you deserve a partner who respects your needs and can communicate with you so that you are both fulfilled.
Want to know more? Read the full article here: What to Do if Your Partner Won’t Work on Your Sex Life
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