Ali Soleymaniha author of Embrace Happiness: The Art of Conflict Management is an expert in conflict management. Over the course of a decade, he’s watched people completely miss out on a key component of strong communication and more fulfilling relationships: Effective listening. Most people think they have a handle on it. They think they know the… Read more »
Once you’ve made the decision to end the marriage or relationship, commit yourself to leaving. That means figuring out the logistics of divorce (Where are you going to stay? Should you retain a lawyer or is mediation your best bet?) and also coming to terms with the finality of your decision, said Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist and the author of Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?
“Stop waiting for your spouse to come through the door,” she said. “Stop arguing about the affair. There is nothing to argue about anymore.
Instead, Madden said to “take an honest inventory of how the marriage wasn’t working for you. If he or she was cheating, your needs probably weren’t being met and you deserve to be with a spouse who doesn’t bail during rough times.”
What does it take to be happy?
Happiness means a wide variety of things and circumstances to most of us, but almost invariably there is a relationship involved. We want to share our lives.
Millions of dollars are spent by consumers who do what people do–seek the connection that makes them feel complete. Of course, this extends beyond romance. We also want friends and family in our lives. We want a “tribe” of fellow co-travellers to share our life journey. Our hearts and minds are better for it.
Therapists, authors of Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love and married couple Linda and Charlie Bloom know a thing or two about managing love and expectation, love cultivation, and sometimes even love resuscitation.
Both the Blooms acknowledge that keeping the bloom on the rose of your love is difficult, if you believe committed love “eventually and inevitably becomes flat and boring.”
A romantic partnership is the foundation of a stable loving family. Try to let go of any guilt you may be feeling about spending time and/or money on yourselves. Remember, creating a stable family structure outweighs any short term discomfort your child (or you!) may have. The goal of date night is to feel connected to your partner as a human being again and not just relate to each other as co-parents/co-CEOs of the family.